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The Pimp Up Review

So you got your website up…

Now, how the mothertruck do you figure out if it’s working?!

[text_block style=”style_1.png” align=”left”]Ugh. Looking after a website can be hard, but wouldn’t it be easier if you actually KNEW what was working and what wasn’t? It feels like there’s a lot of adding bits here and changing that bit there and making the font a different colour and adding a new title and making sure that the green light turns on the SEO plugin thingamy. There’s a truckload of doing, but there’s not a lot of knowing, y’know?[/text_block]

Figuring out what works on your website can feel a bit like finding a fart in a jacuzzi.


Now, there’s a visual…!

  • Perhaps you’re getting a few more hits, but still less than a handful of email sign ups or sales
  • Maybe you updated the site recently, and everything has dropped – sign ups, sales, visits – and you don’t know why (but AAAARGH WHY?!?!)
  • Is your bounce rate higher than the actual moon?
  • Are you ready to do whatever it takes to get your website or blog kicking some big time bum on the interwebs?

Are you ready to add some


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freesexandwineOK, well, not really – unless you count sexifying your website and joining a group of other WordPress website DIYers over on Facebook while you drink the wine…? You can even do it in your pants! BRALESS! A shame-free way of getting WordPress help, weekly website challenges AND direct access to me.


That’s GOT to be better than free sex and wine, right…?

privacy I don’t spam, yo.



[text_block style=”style_1.png” align=”left”]hiimgemmaDon’t panic! Your site was NOT meant to be mediocre – (even if it’s behaving that way right now). Often, your site is only a few good, solid tweaks away from achieving what you actually want – more sign ups, more sales and more of your own goddamn gorgeous personality.

Hi, I’m Gemma  I’m an ex-web designer and developer turned design and brand consultant. Having been in the biz for 13 years, I can really hone a design to perfection, helping you ditch what doesn’t work, and enhance the bits that DO. What I do best is give you actual, no-bullshit strategies for making a website run smoother, look better and mesh your brand and your message into something that your ideal audience love the pants off. I want to create raving fans, not indifferent browsers, and having your website optimised for your specific brand and your specific audience is the BEST way to make sure you can start to get through.[/text_block]


[text_block style=”style_1.png” align=”left”]An insanely useful way to truly understand what works (and what doesn’t) on your website or chosen page and HOW to fix it all up in manageable steps. FINALLY, you can get a handle on what works and how to stop scrabbling around in the darkened room of your website dashboard and Google Analytics.[/text_block]

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[text_block style=”style_1.png” align=”left”]A one-hour Skype call (or in-depth email questionnnaire) so I can dig out all the juicy bits of information about you, your brand, what you offer and who your ideal peeps are[/text_block]
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[text_block style=”style_1.png” align=”left”]A video review of your site, pointing out areas that are working, and areas that need a few tweaks, and areas that plain ARE NOT WORKING.[/text_block]
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[text_block style=”style_1.png” align=”left”]An insanely useful (and fun – because fun, right?!) PDF report detailing everything from the video review in perfect, actionable detail. I even break down what YOU can do and what you should outsource to your designer or developer, not to mention things which can be done irght this second AND list things that can be done in the future.[/text_block]
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[text_block style=”style_1.png” align=”left”]Image mock ups of the pages reviewed showing what your site could look like with the new tweaks, designs and strategies applied.[/text_block]

YES! Get a Pimp-Up Review for my site

But it’s NOT for everyone…

[text_block style=”style_1.png” align=”left”]Listen, I won’t lie. This service isn’t for everyone.

I plan on offering something that is insanely useful – something that could propel your brand and website forward rather than keeping you treading water. I’m going to be talking about not only the design and how to make everything flow properly, but also

  • your words. Y’know, like titles, text you have for sign up forms, selections of blog posts or your about page. Your words speak volumes to your people, so if they don’t mesh with who you’re trying to be, it won’t matter WHAT you look like
  • Your graphics. Including things like your logo, your colours, your images – yes even the stuff you design yourself
  • how you look on mobile and tablet devices. Because, yeah, it’s 2016 and at least 50% of your readership are likely to be on a mobile device.

Look, I’m not going to be a total bitch about your work, but I will be real. If you’ve got a vision to get something that looks and feels pro AND is completely in line with who you are, I’m going to bring my honest pants to the table (and that might hurt, even though I only want to help propel you forward).

You’re not fucking around, I’m not fucking around. If you aren’t 100% serious about figuring out what the hell you need from your site, nothing I say will be of any value to you.[/text_block]

YES! Get a Pimp-Up Review for my site


  • Will you look at my whole site?
    I will either look at the five most important pages of your choice, OR the one page of your choice like a landing page – it depends on what you want to achieve and what your budget is
  • How long will the review take
    After payment, you receive an email to book in when you want to go ahead with the website review. It must be taken within three months. Our call normally takes around one hour (if you’ve chosen to have a call with me), and I only start the review after we have had the call OR I’ve received the answers to your questionnaire. Getting the report and video out to you takes five working days.
  • Do you offer refunds?
    Not after the work has taken place, but if you purchase it and change your mind BEFORE we have the call, you can have your money back less PayPal charges with no worries.
  • Will you do the work for me?
    Nope, this is a strategy package. I’ll give you all the pointers in the report and video, but you’ll either need to be able to manage to make the changes yourself OR hire someone to do them for you.
  • But I have questions. Can I contact you?
    Sure, email me at Let’s talk.

YES! Get a Pimp-Up Review for my site

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The Sales Page Pimp Up Review
  • Video review on desktop AND mobile
  • PDF report to hand to your developer or designer (or work from yourself!)
  • Image mock-up showing you visually how your sales page could look
  • Review one of your sales pages, and get it ready for CONVERSION CENTRAL – visually, functionally AND strategically

Buy now

The Full Shebang Pimp-Up Review
  • Review up to FIVE PAGES of your site (including a sales page)
  • Video review for desktop AND mobile
  • PDF report with immediate, short term and long term fixes
  • Mock-up designs of each page showing you visually what you need to do to get your site READY for World Domination

Buy Now