At the end of last year, I needed some time out. I. Was. Done.
Done with work. Done with clients and projects with ever-extending end dates. Done with parenting. Done with exams and running a business and a constantly filthy house and a husband away randomly throughout the week on business AND bout after bout after fucking bout of anxiety.
Dee-Oh-En-Ee D O N E.
When the projects I was working on had finished (one of them 7 months after it was supposed to have finished because of my awful boundaries), I decided this was finally it. I quit the business and took some time out.
I’ve quit before, though, and come running back to it because MONEY and AAHHHH I HAVE NO REAL POINT TO LIFE UNLESS I’M WORKING. But this time, it’s for real. No more huge website projects. No more referring to myself as a “web designer”. Potentially no more earning money for an indiscriminate amount of time.
But after the initial elation of total freedom, I’m now a few weeks in and starting to get that wild-eyed crazy horse feeling. That feeling where you can do all the things and then generally end up doing nothing and seeing nobody and achieving even less than zero. The paradox of choice, I guess.
So in order to make sure that I am not falling down the rabbit hole of endless Instagram scrolling, online shopping and scoffing biscuits, I wanted to create myself some guidelines. A simple framework, if you will, so I make this time productive and nourishing in the least push-push-push manner possible. And in the interests of honesty and accountability, here is what I’ve decided on:
- Taking time out to really, really recuperate after years of pushing myself to the limit
I’ve been jamming my square peg into a round hole (fnarrr) for at least the last 8 years. I started a business, had a baby, lost some significant friendships, moved cities, sucked at business, made new friends, sold a house, rented a house, bought a house…It’s been a whirlwind that I haven’t ever really felt like I’ve taken stock of, so now I plan to process the ever-living SHIT out if it. Goodbye Mrs. Push-Pants working-all-the-live-long-day, hello journalling and curling up with a good book and a quality herbal infusion. And maybe some work, if it feels right.
- Working on my health and fitness in a kind of two-pronged attack: Mission one: Smash the health niggles into oblivion and Mission two: Get a Bangin’ Body. I know, I know, if you’re anything like me, there’s something that feels quite shameful about wanting a “banging body”. I’m trying to own it and not squirm (new boundary: own my desires *flexing bicep emoji*) I can feel my judgements stemming from the fact that I’m a slender UK size 8 and that “I already have a great body” despite many, many years of abuse. The truth is now I actually quite like my body; it gets me about, it’s grown and birthed a baby, it’s been a pretty reliable meat-and-bone unitard for my 36 years of life. But honing it properly, treating it exquisitely, moving it daily so the next 36 plus years are my best is something I now want to prioritise and now have time to accomplish.As for the health niggles, I’m ideally wanting to solve my iron deficiency without any more supplements, handle my Group B Strep (more posts to come on both of these topics), gain more control over my mental health, and simply eat well and enjoy eating well.
- Spending time with friends and family.I have slightly hermitish tendencies. I talked about it on an Instagram post a couple of weeks back, and I’m learning to unhermit myself, but it does take time and effort and I know that it’s not going to be an overnight change. But I will endeavour to spend more time with friends and family – not at the expense of my own time and need to have those introverted moments – but to actually feel part of my world.Watch out chums! Let’s meet up soon, yes? But for real, not just lip service, ok?
- Shedding the old, rejuvenating the current, ringing in the newThis is mostly about people and relationships in my life, if I’m honest.I’ve spent a lot of my time here on earth being someone that isn’t really me, or at least, not totally me. I haven’t been intentionally lying to people, I just haven’t felt comfortable being me.
I’ve attracted a number of people into my life who I’m lovingly letting go now. I’m done with the drama, with the control, with the games and with the me-doing-more-than-them. This isn’t something where I’m actively “breaking up” with people, but I’ve put up an energetic boundary between them and me. They don’t get the best of me anymore.
As for the people I have in my life now? Well, it’s fair to say that I’ve been somewhat neglectful. Moar date nights! Moar drinks with friends! Moar time with my daughter! Moar boundaries! Moar ME (well, in the sense that I’m free to be me, rather than everything being about me…)!
And of course, I’m scared shitless, but I do want to invite some new people into my world. I’ve been very specific: WLTM intelligent, local Bristol, female bad-asses, with a similar GSOH and ability to be self-aware. Apply within.
And there you have it. Just a few things to keep me busy that don’t involve Facebook or looking at haircuts and kitchens on Pinterest.
Has this sparked anything in you? Tell me, tell me! Or have you gone through something similar yourself? If so, let me know what you did to bring the light of life back.
Until next time,