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Right, that’s it guys.

With approximately 87.8%* of the links I click on, I’m seeing sites that fall into one of the following categories:

1. Horseshit websites created by people that have been PAID TO MAKE IT LOOK GOOD.

2. Websites that look like an amateur patchwork of horseshit that you rolled in glitter and stuck a rosette on. Most of these sites have BRILLIANT reasons behind their existence, often with some incredible copy and little gems of complete genius, but were clearly designed by someone without a strong understanding of websites or graphics.

on horseshit websites and coming out of retirementIf you are in the 12.2% of really rather lovely sites with gorgeous branding AND that have a real purpose, emotion-wrenching copy and a 10,000-leagues-under-the-sea deep understanding of your perfect clients, then GOLD STARS ALL THE FUCK ROUND FOR YOU.

Now, before you think I’m about to go steaming in saying EVERYONE NEEDS A SITE TO LOOK AMAZING WITH ORGASMIC FUNCTIONALITY BECAUSE I SAY SO, you’d be wrong.

Not everyone needs amazing branding. Not everyone needs logos or the perfect fonts or some razzle-dazzle theme. Not everyone needs some shithot custom website. HECK, Not everyone NEEDS A FUCKING WEBSITE.

Seriously, not everyone in the 87.8% of horseshit websites I see needs to do anything else than JUST KEEP ON DOING WHAT THEY’RE DOING. Just because *I* think a site looks like it was crimped off the end of horse’s anus, doesn’t mean your ideal audience think that or that they even care. If you’re just starting out OR you’re doing well, and you’re able to be be confident and put out your content in a way that works. YOU DO YOU. CARRY ON AS YOU WERE. Your time to upgrade will come, but that time is not right this hot second.

Just because *I* think a site looks like it was crimped off the end of horse’s anus, doesn’t mean your ideal audience think that or that they even care. If you’re just starting out OR you’re doing well, and you’re able to be be confident and put out your content in a way that works. YOU DO YOU. CARRY ON AS YOU WERE. Your time to upgrade will come, but that time is not right this hot second.

However, if you’re in the minority out there who knows you fall into Horseshit Websites Land and you ALSO know that this is negatively impacting on your work, the prices you can charge, the audience you’re attracting, then you and I need to talk.

YES, I am coming out of retirement for ONE LUCKY PERSON.

NO, this will not be Yet Another Boring-Ass Horseshit Website from Horseshit Websites Inc. This will be completely custom, built in WordPress, branded beautifully and created based exactly on what YOU need, on what YOUR AUDIENCE needs and HOW your pages need to flow together. Seriously, if you just want to ask me for a big-header-with-sign-up-underneath-and-three-boxes-underneath-that, I AM NOT THE PERSON FOR YOU.

YES, this will go deep. I will be working alongside you for around 6 – 8 weeks. We’re talking weekly calls, regular feedback, diving into how your current site performs, and nailing what you need to continue building up your slice of online paradise. You need to be IN THIS WITH ME 100%.

YES, you will end up with your BEST website. The website that speaks FROM you TO your community, set up with incredible functionality, amazing branding and ZAMBEZI-LIKE FLOW.

YES, this will be an investment. ¬£5000, and yes, I’m happy to take part-payment.

Want in? Hit me up on email here.¬†This offer won’t be around for long.

No ecommerce, no membership sites, but OptimizePress and a sales page design THAT CONVERT agogo as part of the deal.

*totally arbitrary number designed to increase comic effect, but seriously guys, it’s a shitload.